No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
