i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
