I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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