So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
