this boner is exhausting
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
