Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
