We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
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I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
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I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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