i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
