There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
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rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
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I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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