You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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