FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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