didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
from now on my penis is your penis
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
