please come you make the beer taste better
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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