Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
