FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
