where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
