I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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