I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
time to smoke my breakfast
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
it's like iHOP with fire
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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