my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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