She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
