so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
