just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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