How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize