About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
