just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I need to calm my uterus...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
