She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
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You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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