Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
