Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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