For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
