Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
