the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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