just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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