it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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