genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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