we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
