I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
it's like heaven, but drunker
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
