You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
