somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
