I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
