I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
