No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
