why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
