Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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