Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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