Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
