Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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