eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
