This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
