p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
