I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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