Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
