so that wasnt chicken after all
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
