I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
