No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
