My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
