you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
