Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
