My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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