when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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