I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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