I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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