Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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