you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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