i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize