i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
