True but thats because hes a fetus.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
