I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
