I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
