Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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