this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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