When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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