I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
