No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
