No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
