so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
