he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Randomize
